For of All Sad Words of Tongue or Pen
by Derry
Summary: Six endings and/or beginnings that Rodney McKay did or didn't experience - depending on which universe you are from.


**Title: **For of All Sad Words of Tongue or Pen

**Author: **Derry

**Rating:** PG

**Characters: **Rodney McKay (mainly, but others play their part)

**Summary: **Six endings and/or beginnings that Rodney McKay did or didn't experience - depending on which universe you are from.

**Notes and Warnings:** This fic was originally written for the sga-genficathon on LiveJournal. The assignment was to write AU with the prompt "endings and beginnings" and I elected to write canon!AU. Hence there are spoilers (some vaguer than others) for the SGA episodes: The Defiant One, Before I Sleep, The Brotherhood, The Siege, Runner, Aurora, McKay and Mrs Miller, Sunday, Lifeline, This Mortal Coil, Outcast, The Kindred and The Last Man. And also spoilers for the SG-1 episodes: Moebius, Ripple Effect and The Road Not Taken. There are also numerous character deaths mentioned (mostly canon and some "fixable"). And although it's a "gen" fic, some canon pairings are mentioned, but they are not the focus of the story.

* * *

(I)

The journey had begun with him stepping into the luminescent watery surface of the Stargate.

It would end with an unstoppable tide of water rising to overtake him.

He remembered the way his fear had given way to wonder, as he stepped out of the gate, finally standing in the Lost City of Atlantis.

The panic would give way to nothing now. Literally.

When this fear ended, there would be only nothingness.

But until the nothingness, there was still something he had to do. His life was over, but other people's didn't need to be.

He didn't want to die. He really, _really_ didn't want to die.

The water was now washing over his toes, but he still hadn't got that damned hatch open.

He heard his name being shouted and looked up to see a wave sweep Peter Grodin away from the control console and slam him against a bulkhead.

Rodney felt the icy deluge spreading over his own shoulders and looked down at the screen now dark in his hands. And he hadn't managed to get the hatch open. He wasn't the only one about to die.

He couldn't save any of them. He couldn't save himself.

The tide covered him completely. He couldn't breathe. The sheer cold sliced him into a thousand pieces.

And the water was strangely luminescent.

* * *

(II)

Dr Rodney McKay had been the lead scientist on the so-called Stargate Project for a very long time. Trying to get the Stargate itself to work had largely been an exercise in frustration, but many of the side projects did bring ample rewards. The discovery of a small spacecraft with apparent instructions via a modern video camera (which, at first, had everyone convinced that the whole thing was just an elaborate hoax) was by far the most exciting thing to be found during his entire tenure with the organisation. The video footage spoke of time-travel (another thing made him suspect a hoax) and the military types had gone off to try and find the people on the tape.

When they brought back some failed archaeologist type to "help" with the project, Rodney was convinced that Hammond had finally lost his mind. The other person they found was far more promising though. One of those hot chicks who didn't even know she was hot and hid it under nerdy glasses and a librarian-type outfit. Apparently she had a degree in real science too. She was _so_ going to be into Rodney. He was _totally_ in there!

They didn't get a chance to really hit it off though. Turned out the spaceship - the _gateship_ - actually, _did_ work, but the people who had built it (presumably some highly advanced time-travelling humans from the future) had rigged it so that only people with a certain gene could fly it.

Fortunately - or possibly unfortunately - the air force had some retired colonel with that gene who was willing to come out of retirement and help out. Rodney and his team - okay, maybe with a _little_ help from Samantha Carter and that archaeologist - managed to get the Stargate started up.

Not too long after that, Rodney stood with General Hammond in the newly operational Gate Control Room of Stargate Command. The insane little crew (including the lovely Samantha) used the _gateship_ to activate the wormhole in the Stargate and then they went through.

And then it was just - over.

"Well," Rodney said, turning to General Hammond, "that's the last we'll see of them."

Turned out, he was right.

* * *

(III)

Rodney McKay would arrive back in the Milky Way, to the news that SG-1's mission had ended in failure. He wouldn't be at all surprised since he'd thought the whole thing to be a ridiculous idea, when Sam had sent him the calculations to look over, all those months ago. What just find an alternate universe which just happens to have a spare ZPM lying around? One that they'd allow you to take? Yeah, right. There was some fairytale parallel universe out there, where the streets were paved with ZPMs? It wasn't as if the team on Atlantis hadn't searched the Pegasus Galaxy for over a year, before they had managed to capture one from the Brotherhood on the planet Dagan. Then after briefly contacting the SGC and getting some long range systems temporarily back online, that ZPM had failed and they were all left, once again, dependent on naquadah power.

The lack of a ZPM on Atlantis was still a sore point with Rodney, who had glimpsed all the potential he could have made reality go begging after just a few short days. At least, the Wraith were still apparently unaware of the location of Atlantis and the temporary availability of the city's long range sensors had lead them to at least one very interesting discovery, way out on the edge of the Pegasus Galaxy - an Ancient warship, the Aurora. Colonel Caldwell didn't need any persuading at all to take up the mission. If SG-1 failed to obtain a ZPM to power the Ancient chair weapon on Earth, to defend it against the Ori, then an Ancient warship would very likely be the next best thing.

The Aurora was undoubtedly the single most amazing discovery that Rodney and his team had made since Atlantis itself. It didn't take long at all to get the systems on line and discover that the Aurora's crew were still alive - if, barely - in stasis. Not only that, but even though they had aged in stasis too much to be actually revived, they were connected to a neural network which allowed them to communicate with each other while in stasis. Even better, the system allowed someone with a proper knowledge of Ancient technology (oh, and the Ancient gene) to communicate with them.

Of course, Sheppard had to go first. Still, he did manage to persuade them (probably by hitting on the incredibly _hot_ first officer, in typical Kirk fashion) that he'd come from the city of Atlantis and got them to trust him. Finally, Rodney was allowed to accompany him into the Virtual Environment.

They had hit the jackpot to end all jackpots. The Aurora had been on an intelligence gathering mission. They had discovered an inherent weakness in all Wraith technology. Adapting the Ancient weapons to exploit that weakness would be child's play. And Rodney seriously didn't know which project to sink his teeth into first, because they also found that the Aurora's weapons, while not equal of the City of Atlantis itself, were more powerful than any other ship he'd ever seen. If Earth needed more firepower to defend itself against the Ori, then the Aurora would unquestionably be the next best thing to having a ZPM-powered weapons platform. Getting the warship back to Earth was the only problem.

The Aurora was originally fitted out with only an interstellar hyperdrive, suitable for travel within the Pegasus Galaxy. But working with the consciousnesses of the Aurora's engineers, it took Rodney and a team of scientists from Atlantis only two days to upgrade the hyperdrive to a much more powerful intergalactic version. Radek may have made a small contribution too, right towards the end. The resulting upgrade meant that the Aurora could make the journey back to Earth in less than a third of the time it took the Daedalus (unless it was powered by a ZPM). Which, of course, meant they had no way to alert the SGC of the Aurora's arrival, until they were virtually on their doorstep.

But in some ways, that was actually pretty cool. When General Landry's voice came over the communications system, speaking on behalf of the people of Earth and demanding that the unknown ship identify itself, Sheppard looked across at Rodney and grinned.

"Stargate Command, this Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, in command of the Ancient Warship Aurora. Can we be of assistance?"

* * *

(IV)

Radek had been the one who'd found the anomaly that signalled the beginning of the end, as he routinely scanned the space surrounding the planet, during the early hours of the morning. He'd immediately panicked - which really wasn't an unreasonable thing to do when you discover that the fabric of the universe is about to be torn open.

"I'm just saying that it didn't help much," Sheppard pointed out.

"He identified the problem and got us onto it," Rod defended his colleague and friend. "He was just a little off in his own calculations when he initially panicked. Not all of us always get the math right first go, every time."

"It set us back an hour or more, with me having to rework his calculations."

"Which is an hour you wouldn't have had anyway, if Radek hadn't found the anomaly in the first place."

"Maybe."

Rod grinned. From Sheppard, that was quite a concession. But his smile then fell away, as another alarm on his console went off. "The exotic particles just spiked another 20 per cent!" There was no way the could adapt their calculations to predict the behaviour of these new exotic particles. They couldn't even _guess_ how much time they had left anymore.

"This is ridiculous!" Sheppard exploded. "Rod, get ready, I'm giving you control of the jumper."

"What?" Rod swung his gaze over to the pilot's chair and then abruptly grabbed hold of his own controls when he saw that Sheppard had indeed transferred helm control over to the co-pilot station and was already up and headed towards the back of the jumper. "What the _hell_ are you doing?" he yelled over his shoulder, then quickly glanced back at the HUD to make sure they hadn't deviated in their position.

Sheppard's voice was slightly muffled, as he rummaged through the equipment in the back of the jumper. "We've been transmitting for over 15 hours. Whoever those idiots are, they're obviously not listening to us. Someone is going to have to go there personally and tell them to their faces."

"What are you talking about?" Rod demanded, but the sinking feeling was already growing in the pit of his stomach. Sheppard - the stubborn, brave, brilliant fool - couldn't mean what Rod thought he meant by that.

"Got it!" Sheppard announced, as he came back into the forward compartment of the jumper, bouncing a small piece of Ancient tech in the palm of his hand.

Rod put the jumper in autopilot mode. So what, if the signal they were transmitting wasn't being precisely aimed through the "bridge" anymore? As Sheppard had said, the people on the other side obviously weren't listening anyway.

Climbing out of his seat, Rod strode over to Sheppard and grabbed the Ancient device out of mid air. "You're _not _doing this!"

Sheppard put his now empty hands on his hips and glared. "So _what_ are we going to do instead? Just sit here and wait until the dangerously unstable particles that they're generating tear a hole in the fabric of our universe? We've got to do something! If you beam me though the bridge between the universes and I'm wearing that Ancient shield device, then there's over a 90 per cent chance that I'll make it through to the other side and then I can _make_ them listen to me."

"And then what, eh? The bridge is one way. You'd be stuck there, _if_ you even make it in the first place."

"Don't be a sentimental idiot, Rod. It's better to lose one man, than to lose _everyone_."

"Yes, _one_ man. Not necessarily _you_."

That momentarily took the wind out of Sheppard's sails, but he soon rallied. "No! No way! I am _not_ going to explain to Jeannie or her kids how I let you do this."

"But you expect me to explain to your dad and Dave how I let _you_ do it? Your dad, especially. It'd _kill_ him. And dammit, John, you're getting _married_ next month! No, we're going to draw straws."

Sheppard eyed him suspiciously. "And I suppose you just happen to have some ready?"

Rod turned away and grabbed two pencils from his nearby backpack. Breaking one in half, he carefully placed them in his right hand. He used to be very good at this particular sleight of hand. It couldn't fail him now. Turning back to Sheppard, he said, "Whoever picks the long one chooses who goes."

Still looking dubious, Sheppard nodded and pulled one of the pieces (both short, unbeknownst to him) from Rod's hand. He sighed in frustration when he saw its length, or lack thereof.

Rod swallowed the lump of fear that had suddenly formed in his throat and spoke steadily. "Right, that's settled. I'm going. C'mon, I'll help you set up the beaming equipment."

It didn't take long to set up and they worked pretty much in silence. Was there really anything more that either of them could say? Rod couldn't ask Sheppard to tell Jeannie all the things he wanted her to know - not after what they'd both said before about each other's families. He just had to hope that she knew and Caleb and the kids knew - and that everyone on Atlantis knew - and most of all, that the annoying know-it-all soldier-scientist that he was asking to stand by and watch a friend throw himself into the void knew. He had to hope that John Sheppard knew why he was doing what he was doing - and why it was _worth_ doing it - because there could never be the right words to say it.

"Ready," said Sheppard quietly, even though they both knew that everything was now in place.

Rod wordlessly stepped into position and got ready to activate the Ancient shield device.

"It'd probably be better if you crouched down," Sheppard said, not looking at him. "Less surface area for the shield to cover, probably means less chance of it failing in the transfer."

"You're right." Rod stared at his friend, trying to will him into making eye contact.

When that didn't work, he called out to him. "Hey, John!"

Still no response.

"Smoke me a kipper. I'll be back for breakfast."

John Sheppard finally looked up, with a reluctant half-smile, and nodded.

Rod crouched into the path of the beam and, just before everything disappeared in a flash of light, he heard the quietly spoken words, "Good luck, smeghead."

* * *

(V)

"I was asked to give you this."

Rodney looked up. "Major Lorne. Long time, no see."

Lorne didn't move from where he stood in the doorway, holding a file in his hands. "Actually, it's lieutenant colonel, now."

"Oh, you've been _promoted_." Rodney let his voice drip with disdain. "Congratulations."

Lorne cocked his head to one side. "I was wondering if - maybe - you might have changed, but nope, it's still a complete mystery."

Rodney crossed his arms across his chest as the major - sorry, _lieutenant colonel_ - entered the room. "_What's_ a complete mystery?"

Lorne smirked as he placed the file on the desk. "How a woman that brilliant ever saw anything in you."

Rodney's simmering rage flared. "You mean my _dead_ ex-wife?" Okay, so they hadn't spoken in over year, but that didn't mean that he didn't still care for her.

But when he glared at Lorne, he saw his anger reflected in the other man's eyes. "I might not have married her, but she was my _friend_ and she died trying to protect this planet. And now they've brought in _you_, of all people, to replace her. What did they offer you? How many billions of dollars in contracts? Exclusive rights on the technology?"

That attack was so unexpected that Rodney found himself shouting, "_They threatened my sister!_" before he caught himself. He hadn't meant to admit that, not to anyone. He didn't know who could be trusted, if _anyone_ could be trusted. But it was too late now, so he decided to give full reign to his frustration. "They don't even live in your damned country and the bastards still..."

He hadn't seen Jeannie in years. He'd only met little Madison once. But when he'd been shown the photos of them walking to school together only yesterday. When he'd been told so _subtly_ how easily and how often accidents happened. Rodney closed his eyes.

The silence dragged out for several seconds before he opened them again, to see Lorne still watching him. The soldier's face was a dispassionate mask, but his voice turned soft, as he picked up the file again and held it out. "_She_ asked me to give this to you."

Rodney wordlessly took it from his hands and opened it. It contained pages of handwritten calculations with notes in the margins - and amongst those notes, written in a secret numerical code that he and Sam had once used between them, were names. Taking a gamble that Samantha Carter knew what she was doing (both the one he'd married and the visitor from another reality), Rodney read one of the names out to Lorne.

"Elizabeth Weir?"

Lorne blinked, then spoke slowly, as if he too was testing out the waters. "She's a career diplomat who serves on the president's staff. Had a reputation for speaking out against the establishment before he 'won her over'."

"John Sheppard?"

Lorne's eyebrows rose at that, then he flicked a glance over his shoulder. "I wouldn't know." He said aloud, but he silently mouthed the word "later" and gave Rodney a small but significant nod.

"I gotta get going." Abruptly he turned and Rodney watched him head out of the room, before he paused and turned back in the doorway. "Take care of yourself, McKay. She would have wanted that."

"Yeah," said Rodney, a little thrown by this sudden change in attitude. "You too."

Lorne nodded once more and stepped out into the corridor, leaving Rodney with the distinct impression that he'd just been initiated into _something_, but he wasn't entirely sure what.

* * *

(VI)

It began and ended with some stupid quack telling him that there was nothing they could do. He felt Jennifer's hand slip into his and squeeze a false reassurance. She knew, better than anyone, what the prognosis was. It would be only matter of days before her life would end, before the only good thing that he'd managed to escape from Pegasus with would be taken from him. And that was the final straw, the moment when Rodney McKay finally decided, no, this _will not be._

Perhaps, in some ways it had begun earlier, with one of so many other endings.

The gun falling from Brendan's hand.

Peter telling him to get the hell out of there, then _apologising_ just before the Wraith destroyed the LaGrange point satellite.

Ford so crazed by the Wraith feeding enzyme that he didn't care where the bullets were flying, then disappearing into the forest, to be taken by a Wraith culling beam.

Carson's funeral. The discovery of his clone and then that clone being trapped somewhere between life and death - and even now, still ever so slowly dwindling away, locked in stasis back on Atlantis.

Having to leave Elizabeth behind in the hands of Oberon and his fellow Replicators. Finding out that they had killed her, from a duplicate wearing her face, months after it had happened. Then watching that duplicate and another version of his whole team sacrifice themselves, diverting the Replicators.

The day that John Sheppard simply didn't return from a mission.

The day that they found Teyla's body.

News from the resistance fighters working with Ronon that he had gone out, fighting side-by-side with a Wraith and taking out one of Michael's labs with an explosion that left a ten mile crater where it had stood.

Sam's kamikaze run in the Phoenix, taking out three hive ships.

The message from Lorne, two weeks after Rodney had arrived back on Earth with Jennifer, saying that Radek had been killed in a laboratory explosion.

And even after all that, Rodney had still been able to hold onto one small selfish piece of hope and happiness. The chance of some kind of future with a beautiful, bright, courageous and compassionate woman. But then, even that was taken away from him.

When she breathed her last, there was nothing and no one stopping him from wanting to tear it all down.

So many that he'd failed to save, in one way or another. He didn't need to close his eyes to see them. They were always at the forefront of his mind.

He desperately wanted to talk to each and every one of them, just one more time.

But he would talk to one of them. He would reach across time and space to speak to him.

Jennifer had told him that he couldn't change the past, but he _would_. By leaving a message for the future.

There was still someone he could save, someone that he still _needed_ to save.

48,000 years into the future, in another galaxy, a friend was depending on him.

And this time, it would _not_ be an ending.

* * *

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

_John Greenleaf Whittier_

* * *


End file.
